By: Alessandra Conti, Matchmaker
Friday night, I was out with a group of my friends, a few of the fabulous Bachelorettes of Beverly Hills. We went to one of the hottest lounges in Santa Monica called Bungalow. As we stood by the bar with our Cosmos dishing about our holiday adventures, I was impressed by the amount of guys who came up and said hello to us. The particular group of gorgeous friends that I was with are ladies in every sense of the word. They are pretty, sweet, and polite, even to the most bizarre approachers. But, I am acutely aware that this is not typically the case, especially with attractive women… especially in Los Angeles. Many times, I have gone out in groups that completely shut down any guy that does not look like Ryan Gosling. I see it all the time, everywhere I go. The guy says hello, awkward glances within the girl group occur, minimal words are exchanged, the girls look down at their phones to display obvious disinterest, we say, “I have to go to the bathroom,” and the guy leaves dejected. Honey, I am just as guilty of this as any other Bachelorette.
Many of my female Clients come in and complain that they are simply not approached when they go out. They are attractive, successful, and extremely well dressed… but for whatever reason, men are not approaching them. And I couldn’t help but wonder: is their lack of approachers a direct correlation to the rejection of previous women? Is the amount of male approachers declining because they have been burned by a mean girl in the past?
I make a plea to the beautiful women of the world, for the sake of my Clients and these guys’ fragile egos: GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE.
Ladies: I understand that you are looking for something very specific when it comes to your future husband. I understand that there are a lot of men out there who are just downright creepy. But we need to understand something: the random guy that is approaching you is going into the front lines by approaching your group. He is taking the bullet for his group of potentially eligible friends. Maybe one of his friends thought that you were cute, and this random guy is the sacrificial lamb for your set-up. Maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years and this is his first venture into the dating world. Maybe he just got a promotion at his law firm and feels like spoiling a group of beautiful women.
Part of my job as a Matchmaker is Date Coaching men (and women of course). At Matching Up, we work with a Celebrity Pick Up Artist who helps our male Clients overcome approach anxiety and other issues that a majority of men deal with. The statistics are sobering: more than 90 percent of men have experienced approach anxiety. The fact that this guy is approaching you is a much bigger deal than most women understand. Unless he is a professional Pick Up Artist, he is most likely not approaching any pretty woman that looks at him. For whatever reason, this guy chose to come up to your group to break the ice. If you are rude or dismissive to him, he will retreat and will have an even more negative connotation of approaching women in the future. Men have extremely sensitive egos… especially when it comes to rejection. Although men need to understand that not all women will be head-over-heels for their charm and pick-up lines, we need to cut them a little bit of slack and give them credit for trying.
We live in a world of power-females (myself included) who still expect chivalrous behavior from men. But, in order to receive this behavior, women must band together and start giving guys a chance. I want to live in a world where men and women who do not know each other are not horrified to meet. I want to live in a world where social encounters are rich and full of potential. We have to look out for our single sisters and give them every chance possible to meet their guy.
Ladies: it starts with us. Go out with a group of your coolest girl friends, and let them in on your New Years Resolution. When a random guy approaches your group, instead of dismissing him immediately because he is wearing plaid, give the guy a shot. Let him lead the conversation, but don’t give him snarky one-word responses. If you are not attracted to him, ask him if he is here with his friends, and suggest that he introduce your group to them. Of course, if he says something inappropriate, rude, or truly creepy, you are free to excuse yourself. But, I guarantee that, at the very least, you and your girlfriends with have a funny story out of it. At the very best, you meet his adorable bestie who just moved here from Texas (gotta love those Southern boys!).
XOXO,Beverly Hills Matchmaker,
***Guys who are reading this: don’t blow it. I am advising beautiful, fun, and fabulous women to give you a chance. When you make your fated approach, engage the group, ask them interesting questions, and introduce them to your group of guy friends. If you personally don’t want to buy the entire group of girls drinks, make a plan for each of the men in your group to buy a drink for each of the women in the other group. Stay tuned for more life-changing tips on approaching women from yours truly.