By: Liat Sabar, Matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City
Photo courtesy of © People
Ladies, I am here to save you from cyber spinsterhood. Through spending an unsuccessful, and often unpleasant, decade on the online dating circuit, I rid myself of them forever. Vive La Résistance!
Welcome to the dating revolution my friends—no more ghosting, goodbye fake pictures and profile lies, good riddance to the dreaded ‘D pic,’ and sayonara to wasting time and mascara on countless dates that lead to nowheresville. Think I was in the minority? Think again; as a professional Matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City, I have spoken to countless men and women who have become disillusioned and disheartened from years of enduring online dating disasters. The time has arrived to delete the apps, and take it back to the old school. Just like grandma’s homemade babka, sometimes the simple old-fashioned way is the most fulfilling.
FACT: online dating for many of us is time consuming, emotionally exhausting, and usually yields little return. The dating app phenomenon has both exhilarated and diminished us. Innovative in its design, sure—yet demoralising in practice, right? Read below to discover the reasons:
The greatest aspect of app dating is equally its greatest downfall: too much choice and over-
saturation of human traffic all seeking different things. What actual percentage of the singles you are exposed to on a dating app possess the statistics and qualities that you seek? Very few. Say you are seeking a man in his 30s, a non-smoker, no kids, who loves dogs and happens to be hilarious, employed, over 5’10” and looking for marriage. Darling, those men do not grow on trees, and to weed that calibre of a human out from the murky waters of Tinder is an almost impossible task. We are all familiar with the saying, “It’s hard to find a good man.” No truer words have been said, and I can assure you that online dating has exacerbated this issue. Apps give you access to men to whom you are neither compatible nor attracted. More worrisome, it gives the wrong men access to you. What do I mean by the ‘wrong’ men? Best case scenario, men who are harmless enough but sadly
there is no chemistry, resulting in another disappointing date. Worst case scenario, you must endure inappropriate behaviour, sexual harassment, abuse, and sometimes out right threats from cowards who attack you from the anonymity of their sofa. The person who coined the phrase “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned” obviously had not rejected men on dating apps.
Not only are we tasked with sieving through hundreds of profiles, but we then must vet them with the brief information on their profile, which may or may not be truthful. Therefore, we take a risk meeting these men in person whom we barely know. People on dating apps are not screened and so are left freely to create any misleading profiles that they wish. (Oops, did I forget to mention my wife??). I once met with a guy who turned up without his hair. Yes, it seemed his mane of lustrous curls had forgotten about our date. When I questioned him, it transpired that his hair, which was featured in every one of his pictures, had in fact retired in the late 90’s. This is not a rare occurrence. We have all heard of, or experienced, arriving to dates only to be met by an entirely different person. Whether they mislead you regarding height, weight, hair, or age, it is all equally deceptive and frustrating.
As females, we are genetically inclined to seek out a mate, a life partner. This pressure can cloud our judgment, resulting in dating patterns of quantity over quality. We find ourselves embroiled in a dating frenzy, going on several dates a week, convinced that it is a game of numbers; surely the more dates I go on the higher chance of finding ‘the One,’ right? Wrong. So wrong. Allow me to demonstrate this with my favourite female fantasy:
You have been gifted with $100,000 to spend on designer bags with limitless access to the Neiman Marcus full collection. You cartwheel through the store doors, eyeballs melting at the sight of Gucci, Chanel, and Dior tantalisingly displayed for you. The sensual smell of supple Italian leather wafts in your nostrils. Whereupon you are greeted by the store manager who advises that you may only purchase one bag. “One bag?!!” you cry out! You have all this cash, you can afford many, you want them all! How can you possibly choose only one? There are sooooo many different colours,
hardware, textures, sizes—what if you choose the wrong one? What if you change your mind? What if, horrifyingly, your friend has the SAME BAG. You simply cannot commit to one bag. The choice is TOO GREAT.
Welcome to the eternal conflict of online dating.
It is the kiss of death to kiss too many frogs. You will not catch Prince Charming, more likely just a cold sore. The vast choice on dating apps has created within us a fear of ‘missing out’ on something or someone better. We have become noncommittal, unwittingly, unconsciously, we stop ourselves from dating exclusively, which is the the core result we are trying to achieve! How can you give Mr. Tuesday a real shot when during your date you are mentally planning your outfit for Mr. Wednesday? Whilst your date attempts to get to know you, you are comparing his height and profession to the 6’2” lawyer you will meet on Thursday. App dating restricts you from giving one person the time and attention that he deserves to showcase his personality and qualities. You must give someone quality time to catch a true glimpse of his character.
The belief that you are spoilt for choice because thirty men swiped on you is a dangerous and deluded one. Unable to assess the quality of these suitors, you simply have zero knowledge of their honesty, profile accuracy, or moral compass. You go in blind and disadvantaged. Tinder, Grinder, Bumble et cetera, were initially designed for casual hook ups. The creators themselves attest to this. However, if, like me, you want a meaningful relationship, monogamy, and marriage, delete those apps, and join my dating revolution! I invite you to defect from social cyber hell, into the human touch of the matchmaking tradition.
Matchmaking you say?! Is this 1950? Is this Fiddler on The Roof rebooted? No, this is, and has always been for many generations, the most successful method to finding a life partner. If you want a safe, personalized, and caring environment to date only men who have been vetted, specifically matched to your profile, looking also for meaningful relationships, then look no further than a reputable matchmaking service. Imagine, no more hours swiping through nameless faces, no more evenings wasted trudging along to failed dates, no more men disappearing mid-conversation, no more fake profiles. You meet men who are exactly as their profile states. Plus, you are supported and coached. by real-life, dating professionals, in person who take the time to genuinely grasp who you are and what you are seeking in a significant other. From pre-date coaching to post-date feedback, image consultancy and much more, the matchmakers practice an organic 360-degree service that invests. equally in your confidence and wellbeing. This is a lifestyle choice. This is you taking control of your
personal life and utilising the most effective tools at your disposal to secure what you desire the most. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving the matchmaking world a try. Worried about fees? Some of the most prestigious and successful matchmakers charge as little as $100 for annual memberships. They do not exclude anyone from finding their happily ever after.
Ladies, trust me, as a seasoned dating warrior, you need the change of scenery. Put your faith in the matchmakers, as oppose to your iPad battery life. Take the exhausting responsibility of finding dates off your shoulders and into the hands of dating experts who do this successfully every day. Do you not deserve it? Of course you do! Accept their help, embrace the experience, and who knows? Not too long from the day that you read this article, I could hear about a girl, who took a leap of faith on an old-fashioned custom and is now preparing to be all dressed in white…….
Liat Sabar, Matchmaker for Matchmakers In The City
Liat is a Matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City. Raised intermittently between England and Israel, she attended the prestigious private Gretz school of Tel Aviv, as well as the top performing King David institute in her home town of Liverpool. Liat is a Law graduate of Ivy League Manchester University, and began her career as an International Company Trainer, developing senior professionals across Europe. Her success led her to the heart of the London finance and business hub, where she was part of a niche elite head hunting team specializing in placing uber successful professionals into Fortune 500 companies. Liat is hugely into self development and spent recent years project-leading emotional intelligence tools on a consultancy basis, rolling them out internationally. She has an excellent track record for helping others acquire confidence, drive and achieve their highest potential, both professionally and personally. She is passionate about helping develop the mind, body and soul of others to help them lead a long and enriching life. In her spare time she follows her literary passion, writing children’s books and various lifestyle articles. She can be found enjoying hikes, beach days and travel with her husband, her children, and beloved dog.