Originally published at: YourTango.com Photo credit: Your Tango
A controversial test, espoused by Cristina Conti, to separate the men from the boys.
Have you had great texting relationships, the ones where you’re in contact all day with an attractive man whom you’ve just met? Before he knows your job, the man cares about every little detail of your day from the “Good morning, Beautiful” text to the “sweet dreams” closing line. The problem with beginning a relationship with long calls or texting is that you build the man up into your desired image in your mind. You grow attached to this image, which may prove far removed from reality.
1. Make him earn your number. Your cell phone number is like your DNA. According to a 2015 Gallup poll, most US users check their Smartphones at least hourly. In 2014, Bloomberg Business revealed that people spend an average of 2 hours and 57 minutes on their phones per day. Most see their phones as an extension of themselves. When you give a man permission to your private number, he has 24 hour access to reach you. You think about him, wonder why he has yet to call, and theorize the reason for the delay in his response from your last text. Without realizing it initially, you have given him a key to your heart: direct communication.
2. He might not call you. Some guys like to have the power to contact you but have zero intention of doing so. Trust yourself and your instincts at this point: do you know him well? Has he given you enough indicators to feel safe that he will call you? Do you smell smoke on his breath? Is this someone who you want to have in your life, who could potentially enrich your life? Ask yourself these questions before giving out any of your contact information. If you feel unsure, you can always simply get his and contact him later after you’ve given it a bit more thought.
3. Use email as your shield. If you do want to remain in contact with him, giving him your personal email or letting him add you on Facebook works wonderfully too. It might sound a bit old school (what can I say, I'm a Jane Austen aficionado), but it shows a little more interest than a business relationship while retaining boundaries. This will fail if you have email/Facebook on your phone and constantly check it. When there are parameters and set times of receiving correspondence from potential suitors, you are much better prepared. Think of yourself as a queen holding court for a few hours a day, dressed in her finery and ready to receive whatever problems and joys her subjects bring forth. It would cause a lot of stress and impropriety if a farmer barged into her dressing room as she applied her makeup in her unmentionables with “hey there.” There’s a time and a place to accept invitations from suitors, and email sets great boundaries.
While it comes naturally to men, women must work at compartmentalizing. Email, your armed body guard, can help! When you first meet, email gives men a more formal platform on which to speak to you, and you can also examine how well he writes and expresses himself. A guy may be able to get away with writing “your” instead of “you’re” in a quick text, but with email, he can catch those mistakes more easily. Pay attention to spelling and grammar since it also sheds light on how professional he is in the workplace.
A caveat: you don’t need another pen pal. Keep your emails short and succinct, expressive, excited, and showing interest, but stay away from a lengthy, personal correspondence. Let him ask you out where you can really get to know him in person. You can give him your number closer to the date like we do with our Bachelors and Bachelorettes at Matchmakers In The City.
Now that you know the secret to guarding your heart initially, let’s backtrack a minute. Suppose a man asks for your number and seems disappointed to receive your business card or personal email. As you know, men’s fragile egos might misconstrue this as rejection. If you find him interesting, make sure that you couch your response with, “I’d love to see you again; you’re great. I never give my number out to men who I don’t know, but email me, and we can see each other again.” This gives him the assurance that you will say yes and assuages his fear of rejection. It also gives you time to learn more about him and get his vitals (full name and occupation) so that you can do a makeshift background check.
A man who wants you has to pursue you. Any man who’s unready to put in a little more time to earn your trust is only looking to play the field.