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5 Secrets To Go From "Casual Hookup" To Girlfriend

Updated: Apr 20, 2023

How to get him to commit to you.

Typically, women have trouble getting a man to commit to a relationship. As a professional Matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City, women have confided heartbreak after heartbreak to me that occurred before their relationship even had a title.

I hear other Bachelorettes bemoan the struggle of wanting her boyfriend to finally propose after years of "testing things out."

One Bachelorette, Leah, spent years with her man who kept her warm but failed to take the step that she wanted... marriage. After a heated disagreement, he referenced a past girlfriend whom he "missed his chance with" and would have married. When Leah continued to feel irritated by his comment a few days later, she decided to find out who this mystery girlfriend was and why he felt this way about her. Through using context clues and a little Facebook stalking, Leah came across Emma’s profile. Emma wore a wedding band, had a big smile, and was pregnant. Apparently, another man had seen her value too. Objectively speaking, Leah knew that she and Emma were both on the same level looks-wise. What was it about Emma that made men want to marry her?

Below, discover the ways on how to get a man to love you and commit to you:

1. You may catch a man with your looks, but you’ll keep him with your standards.

The process of a man discerning you as girlfriend/wife material has little to do with looks. I always say that men are physical and visual creatures, so making a great first impression will definitely take you to the first date, but then begins your true test of character.

A man can tell when a woman values herself and she’s the kind of woman whom he wants to marry.

2. Let your actions correspond with your title.

Women are natural born givers. They love giving gifts and express their love for people through treating them the way that they want to be treated. However, as John Gray reveals in Mars and Venus On A Date, men need to stay in the active/pursuer role in order to remain interested in you. If you give him too much, he will take a passive role.

Let him pursue and invite you and then give him little things in return.

For instance, wait to cook for him until he has proven his worthiness and brought you out on a few dates.

I frequently hear about women cooking and cleaning for a man. Unless you've married each other, refrain from making this a habit. You make a lovely gesture by cooking occasionally for him, but try to stay away from the mom/wife role until he commits to you.

Also, calibrate your gifts to the status of your relationship. For example, give the guy you're dating a much smaller gift than a gift that you would give your boyfriend or fiancé. Other women before you have learned the hard way. If you need to, channel that giving spirit towards baking for your friends or doing charity work.

3. Give men something to invest in.

Keep your standards high — good men crave a challenge. Men get bored easily by easy women. Most women will easily say "yes" to a date and all he has to do is text. However, if you encourage him to call you, texting back, "That sounds like so much fun! Give me a call tonight, and we can talk about it", he needs to put more effort in to see you.

Steve Harvey also lauds this approach in the Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man books and movies. If a man invests the emotional energy that it takes to call rather than text, he becomes more invested in you. This carries through to other aspects of the relationship as well.

As little Ruby from The Cosby Show used to say, "You got to earn my love!"

4. Remember that men are business-minded.

They try to get away with as much as possible with as little commitment as possible. One of our Dating Guidelines at Matchmakers In The City reads, "At the minimum, don’t have sex until you’re in an exclusive relationship."

Figure out the level of commitment that you want, and then wait to get intimate until that time. Usually, men will try to sleep, and even live, with you as early as possible. As one of our Bachelorette’s aptly stated, "Why buy the house when you can sleep in the rooms for free?"

5. Let him bring it up.

You want him to want to be your date/husband/boyfriend. By letting him ask first, you give him the power to pursue you. If you take the above steps, he will want to make you his own; he has taken the proper time to know you long enough that he has developed feelings for you.

As more emotional creatures, women develop feelings faster than men. Men need time to allow those feelings to grow.

Through her Facebook investigations, Leah saw that Emma got what she wanted, and deserved: a man who valued her enough to commit to her for life.

Of course, Emma’s husband felt attracted to her, but his commitment to her had little to do with her looks. It had everything to do with the standards that she held for men interested in her.

Take the above steps, and you’ll go from casual to girlfriend at the perfect time.

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