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Guarding Her Heart: A Gentleman’s Playbook

Updated: Apr 14, 2023

By Cristina Conti, Matchmaker

A foundational tenet of the chivalric code of honor charges men to guard and protect women. Usually men interpret this in the literal sense, protecting a woman from bodily harm by knowing how to fight or walking on the street-side of the sidewalk. The more subtle but crucial understanding of this principle goes deeper. A man insightful enough to guard a woman’s heart will not only secure the woman he desires, but he will keep her. Through building a relationship on integrity, he will create the foundation for an exciting and trusting partnership. Below, please find advice on how it’s done:

  • Before progressing to any step of the relationship, even a gesture as small as holding her hand, ask her how she feels about your time together. As a Matchmaker in Beverly Hills, my Bachelors frequently ask me, “When should I kiss her?” Always ask, never assume. This is one of the most romantic steps that a man can take.

  • Proceed to the official relationship status with extreme caution. If you are having second thoughts, or if she is ‘the One,’ move slowly to the girlfriend stage. The more exploration that you do before proceeding to this stage, the stronger the relationship will be, like a well-researched dissertation.

  • If you’re speaking to another woman, especially one whom you find attractive, mention your girlfriend within the first 5 minutes. Be upfront about the relationship status, if she is your girlfriend, state this, rather than an ambiguous, “I’m seeing someone.” Please understand: regardless of how happy you feel in your relationship, you will always find other women attractive. As a result, you must clearly establish boundaries with other women. This also protects other women’s hearts; they may be interested in you. Stop them before they start to develop feelings for you; women develop feelings quickly.

  • Stay away from fire. During intimacy, women release a hormone called oxytocin that bonds them to you. I also refer to it as “the stage-five clinger” hormone. Men release glycogen, which makes them fall asleep. Keep this in mind when attempting to guard her heart.

  • The only appropriate ways to touch a female friend are a handshake, photo shoulder-hold, or a friendly hug. No lower-back action. As Matchmaker Alessandra retorts to indecorous Daters, “Paws off, Pluto!” A self-respecting girlfriend will run away from you in disgust if she finds you acting too friendly with other women. Ask yourself: would you want your girlfriend to mirror your behavior with her male friends?

If you want to make multiple women fall in love with you, stop here, and read Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park (1814). You will find an equally forever-unsatisfied companion in Henry Crawford. For the upright men with good hearts, on the other hand: your duty as a man to protect her heart with these steps will lead you to honor and cherish your special woman. Please note: a woman who respects herself, the type of lady who will make you happy, will only take you seriously if you honor her before others. Your responsibility to guard women’s hearts could lead you to the greatest romantic treasure of all, a princess of your own.

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