By Cristina Conti, Matchmaker
“He’s the reason for the tear drops on my guitar,” Taylor Swift sweetly croons as you picture the guy in your life responsible for those tears. Switch the channel to hear “when I met you in the summer,” your long-lost love resurfaces as your new summer romance. You imagine the cute guy making copies under the fluorescent office lights sweep you off of your feet into a midnight pool party at the W. You need someone to think about as the star of your mind music videos, and copy-boy seems like the only man in a 100-mile radius.
You are not alone. Romance is pounded into our ear drums on every popular radio station and feature film, even an added element to the second installment of The Hobbit movie. Note: romance was absent from the book. That makes your desire for the One stronger, and the gap deeper if he seems to be MIA.
You are not alone. All people feel this gap, even if they are married. They feel a longing that they thought would disappear. If romance fails to cure it, what can?
Please understand me, romance is a beautiful thing. Believe me, as a Matchmaker, I make my living off of the joy I feel when I bring people together. The challenge is learning to put romance in its place. First, explore the gap that you feel. Why do you find the need to have someone as your imaginary Mr. Darcy? Usually when people feel unhappy with other elements in their lives, they turn to romance as a soothing balm. Do you feel that you make a positive contribution with your job? Do you help others or simply shuffle paper? Do you experience tensions in your family life that you would like to escape? Are your friends positive influences in your life and helping you to realize your dreams? Do you have a community that you can identify with and connect to morally? When you start digging around these areas of your life, I promise that you will find treasures that unlock the mystery of your missing man.
I also recommend paying attention to the music that you listen to, books that you read, and movies that you watch. Similar to eating too much chocolate, too much romance can make you sick.
Still, remember to be gentle with yourself and give yourself grace. This longing is totally normal. Love that vulnerable part of yourself and assure her that you will be taken care of beyond your wildest dreams.