By: Alessandra Conti, Matchmaker
If I had a dollar for every time I heard “men are visual creatures,” I would be able to have daily shopping sprees down the street from my office on Rodeo Drive. Women are emphatically taught that men are visual creatures and that it is somehow “hardwired” into their brains to look at other women, even if they are on a date with you. Society has accepted this as fact, and it has been validated time and time again by men and Relationship Experts.
As a woman and a Beverly Hills Matchmaker, I am setting the record straight once and for all. The notion that men are more visual than women is the biggest load of spoiled caviar that I have ever heard. I am not arguing that men are not visual... on the contrary. Each human being varies in their capacity to perceive their senses… the truth is that men are not more visual. If they were, fashion designers, make-up artists, hair stylists, etc., would all be male dominated professions.
The men that feel entitled to look at every beautiful woman passing by even when they are with their girlfriend, fiancé, or wife lack basic self control. I could go as far as to say that these serial ADDating men lack a level of compassion that is needed in order to have a healthy, satisfying relationship (and we wonder why the divorce rate is so high).
I live in Los Angeles, work in Beverly Hills, and go out in Hollywood where the people are collectively gorgeous. Bumping into the latest character on Glee or the newest Housewife is commonplace. The notion that it is acceptable and even unavoidable for a man to be an ADDater is absurd and holds a ridiculous double standard.
Whenever I go out, there are handsome, Equinoxly-chiseled, suited-up men who are tall, dark, and handsome. (well… not always tall #LetsBeReal #WeAreInLA). This particular breed are most likely the actor/model/bartender, but regardless, they are pleasing to the eye. When I go on a date, there are always multiple attractive men passing by within easy eye-shot but, although I notice their presence in my peripheral, I would never dream of stealing a glance. Why? Is it because I am just less of a visual person than men? Not at all. In fact, I am an extremely visual human. I adore art gallery openings, fashion shows are one of my favorite past-times, I love watching movies, change the color of my gel manis every two weeks, and love color coordinating my lipsticks with my outfits. Am I not stealing a look because the man across from me is the most fascinating human that I have ever interacted with and I couldn’t bear to avert my eyes from his gaze for a mere moment? No. It is because I would feel horrendous if the lovely man that is sitting across from me thought that he was being compared to the male model wearing the skinny black tie strutting behind him. It is because I understand that, just like women, men have feelings. And I do not want to hurt them by checking out some other guy.
It’s not hardwired. It’s just rude.
So what’s a girl to do the next time you find your man-of-the-hour “sneaking” a glance at the total Monet to the left (#CluelessReference)? Ask him, “Are you ok?” with a bit of an exaggerated, quizzical look. When he notices that you noticed his “stealthy” glance, he will most likely become a bit flustered and say, “Ya, why?”. Proceed to say, “Don’t worry about it. I’m going to use the ladies room.” And leave him in the shame chair so that he can think about what he did. Conditioning, ladies, conditioning.
If this kind of behavior continues, let it. But, without you. You are wonderful, gorgeous, and fabulous just the way you are (thanks @brunomars for my anthem!). If a man is always looking out for a Bigger-Better-Deal (props to @PattiStanger), there is nothing that you can do, no amount of make-up that you can put on or plastic surgery that you can get to keep his interest. He will never be satisfied: with you, or the next woman, or the woman after that. He needs to work on himself and his own insecurities before he can even think of being in a happy and satisfying relationship. Go find a man who makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. If you can’t find him, come to us @MatchingUpLA , and we will find him for you.
Your Fairy Matchmaker,Aly
© Photo courtesy of datelicious.com.au