By Cristina Conti, Matchmaker
Love is a choice. In The Five Love Languages (1995), Dr. Gary Chapman defends this statement and counsels married couples on how to love each other. In effect, he helps save thousands of marriages. As a Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I recommend that everyone read this book. But for my unmarried Bachelors and Bachelorettes, in the subtext, there lies a secret. Good news: you are still free to choose who you marry!
One of my friends recently broke off her engagement. One day, she had a revelation that this man lacked the qualities that she knows that the One will possess. They had to raise money for the wedding, and as she looked at the bleak numbers, she wondered what else they would have to raise money for in the marriage. Although she desires to be a wife, she has time to discern the right One for her instead of settling for a premature wedding.
Below are some words of wisdom for the men and women who desire marriage but feel unsure if the one they’re with is the One:
1. You have time. Take all of the time that you need to get to know each other. Every relationship has a pulse and trying to speed that up only causes heart trouble for both involved.
2. Jimmy Choo’s and a house in The Hills will fail to make you happy. At first they will, but only momentarily. Nothing is worth your happiness.
3. Getting married, a dog, or children will only make your relationship more difficult. Think about the strain an unhappy marriage will put on your future children.
4. You will be much happier if your marriage is financially stable. Wait until you are both at a stable place to tie the knot. Where is the rush? Religious people often feel the temptation to marry, especially if they are saving themselves for marriage. To rush a relationship for sexual reasons is just like sleeping with each other before the wedding night.
5. It is never too late to call off the wedding. Cast your fear aside about the money and time that it took to plan. Your heart is much more precious than bouquets of roses and chandelier-lit dining halls. Choose love over money.
6. The stress of planning a wedding can distract you from the choice that you are making. Place yourself as a higher priority than the place cards. Through the months leading up to the wedding, reflect on the feelings that you experience during the day every evening. Take time out during the day to be alone. Journal, pray, and meditate.
7. Forever is a long time, are you sure that you want to pledge your life to someone who you still feel unsure about? Read the wedding vows and Middlemarch by George Eliot. Go into the marriage with your eyes wide open.
If you have yet to meet the One, maybe you are supposed to make certain contributions to the world before he or she appears in your life. You can finally book your appointment with Matching Up, and we will help you find him or her. You must know the old adage “No one is perfect,” but refuse to let this phrase cajole you into an unhappy marriage. There is a way out before the wedding bells begin to chime. If you feel unhappy already, end the relationship, and let it set you free.
Dump the one you’re with for the one who’s meant to be with you.