By: Alessandra Conti, Matchmaker
All my single ladies: it’s time to focus all of your attention on the most important and fabulous person in the world… yourself. I see serial monogamists come into the office all the time like a junkie ready for her next fix. We put them through relationship coaching until they get over their monogamy addictions. In order to be in an amazing, fulfilling relationship with another person, you need to have an amazing, fulfilling relationship with yourself. If you are coming from a place of instability, you will attract instability within a mate. It may not be apparent at first glance, yet slowly but surely you’ll be able to take off your serial monogamist goggles and see your new man for what he is: imperfect. Imperfection, however, can be beautiful. But, in order to attract your future perfectly imperfect relationship, you need to be at peace with your imperfections.
Ladies, this is the one time in your life that you can be selfish. The stigma of the word “selfish” comes into play when you are neglecting others in order to serve your personal needs. Women especially feel the need to take care of everyone and everything around them before catering to the goddess within. Guess what? You are single. You are not married. You do not have children who are depending on you. This is a short, beautiful span of your life where your only major responsibilities revolve around taking care of yourself. Embrace this! Own it. Live it. You are the star of your life, and no one can steal your spotlight unless you give it to them.
Begin by allowing yourself to be the biggest version of yourself. Get decked out in those sexy stilettos for dinner at the hottest restaurant in your city with your girlfriends who make you feel fabulous. Be unabashedly girly, and watch Sex and the City re-runs with a glass of wine in a plush, white robe (side note: white robes are such a single ladies stay-at-home-staple. You will consistently feel like you are on vacation!). Buy delicious scented massage oil, and give yourself a full-body massage. Take a bubble bath, read that chic-lit book waiting at your side table, get a mani-pedi at the spa, splurge on that Birkin you’ve had your eyes on for all of these months. Spend quality time with yourself. Now is time for Me-time. You will never be younger than you are at this very moment… so make it worth it. Because you’re worth it, honey.
The ending of relationships have a way of bringing all of your deepest insecurities to a head, so instead of covering them with a new guy and all of the drama that comes along with him, you need to deal with them. Embrace these insecurities. See them, accept them, and begin to work through them. You don’t have to go it alone… if you are in the Beverly Hills area, come on in for a Break-up Coaching session with one of the Matchmakers at Matching Up (yours truly!), or visit a therapist or Relationship Coach near you who will give you unbiased and honest feedback on your journey to self-actualization. You don’t need to go this alone: tune in your bestie about your new goal and have her come along for the ride. I can honestly tell you from working with hundreds of women in Beverly Hills… you are in gorgeous, successful, and powerful company. Any issue that you are dealing with is valid yet it doesn’t define you. You define you. You pinpoint all of your best and worst qualities, and it is up to you to focus on the best and disturb the universe with your personal charm and je ne sais quoi. You were made exactly the way you are for a reason, even if that reason is too obscure for us to wrap our heads around. Honor the woman that you are and give yourself time and TLC to search for that reason.
So many women come into the office looking for love, but before we can find them an amazing man, they need to cultivate love from within. Then, and only then, can you begin your journey to finding romantic love.