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The Myth of The Nice Guy

Updated: Apr 14, 2023

By: Cristina Conti, Matchmaker

Ladies, beware of the so-called ‘good guys.’ They seem to have everything under control at first, give you a lot of attention, and are quasi-attractive. Many of these guys are wolves in sheep’s clothing. In Contemplative Prayer (1969), Thomas Merton exposes the dangers of living a “good life.” He targets religious who have this attitude, but the same holds true for all people, especially in relationships. Merton argues that these “good lives” are “basically inauthentic, ‘good’ only as long as they permit us to remain established in our respectable and impermeable identities” (103). They hide from change, even if that change is integral to growth. These men’s goodness depends on comfort, and they “will prefer routine duty to courage and creativity” (104). The moment these guys confront a belief or practice that is outside of the norm, for instance conservative notions about intimacy, they flee. We want, and will only be happy with, men who have made unpopular decisions in the past. They have a backbone, an unwavering set of values that they refuse to compromise. Remember, a man you date is a reflection of you.

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