By Maria, Contributing Writer for Matching Up
I recently ended a one-year relationship. This is not my first relationship, and with my best friend as Beverly Hills’s hottest Matchmaker, it certainly won’t be my last. I decided to write down the ways that I have been coping through this trying period of my life.
Proper closure: If you don’t allow for proper closure, he might continue to reach out to you. Get rid of everything he gave you. Leaving his stuff around will most likely fuel those lingering feelings and doubts no matter how strong you think that you are. Once you are out of the relationship, lingering on “rosie retrospection” while holding on to the stuffed animal he gave you will make it even harder to cope… let’s be real ladies.
Exercise: Elle from Legally Blonde got that right. Exercise will make you feel good about yourself, confident and happy. Looking hot after breaking up is also a “dish best served cold.” I have my ex to thank for the Zumba classes I have started teaching twice a week… and all of the itsy-bitsy bikinis that I will be rocking all summer long!
Surround yourself with your #1 group of supporters: This is where having a group of solid friends pays off. There will be times when you will doubt yourself and your decision to call it quits. If your significant other was the one who pulled the plug, you may have doubts about being able to survive and feel unworthy of any future love. Make sure you are surrounded by friends who can remind you of how fabulous, strong, and fierce you truly are. Just remember, your friends are not your therapists. Seek out a date coach like the Matchmakers at Matching Up who are unbiased professionals and only have your best interest at heart.
Lick your wounds in your cocoon: When I was little I would crawl in bed with my parents. Although I live far from them now, calling them often has worked miracles. Studies have shown that hearing a parent’s voice reduces your stress level substantially. They used to comfort you when you were younger and there is no shame in letting them step into that nurturing role again. Your parents are your greatest admirers, and if your significant other hurt you, your parents will be the ones with the biggest protective instinct.
Branch out: In my past relationships, I devoted most of my time and energy to the relationship, leaving little time for any after-work activity or for meeting new groups of people. After starting a new job that I adore seven months ago, I have yet to go to a work happy hour or networking event. I have also considered joining a club or even organizing one to meet more people.
Make goals: After my breakup one of the first things I did was to write a list of the things I wanted to achieve in the upcoming months. Every two months, I check the list and write three more goals. Today I wrote: start preparing for the GMAT, volunteer, and take a public speaking class. Of a list of 10, I accomplished 5 goals in the last two months. I can’t wait to complete the rest!
Listen to your heart: Check any bad thoughts you may have against yourself or your ex. I dragged a lot of baggage into my last relationship, and I am committed to stopping that pattern. Every time I catch myself having a bad thought about my ex, I take a deep breath and remember the trouble that my issues brought to my past relationship. Then, I immediately replace the bad thought with a positive thought. I steer clear of positive thoughts about my ex and instead think of how far I have come since the break up or how awesome it is to have friend X in my life. Also, allow yourself to have some days that are worse than others when it comes to your breakup. I do not remember how long it took in my past break-up for these ups and downs to settle, but I do remember that eventually they did.
Lists on lists on lists: Right after my break up my sister recommended that I write a list of all the pros and cons of my ex. I decided to write a list of my ex, my ex-ex, and of myself. Instead of doing a pros and cons list for myself, I did a list of the good and the bad of Maria, the girlfriend. It was actually much harder than I thought it would be… and extremely telling of the aspects about myself that I want to fix before my next relationship. The latest list I wrote was of the must-haves (the Matchmakers at Matching Up call them “Deal Breakers”) in my next relationship. I tend to be very lenient when it comes to entering into new relationships, so this little exercise brought me a lot of clarity.
Time: It can be your worst enemy. Having so much spare time, especially at night has become daunting for me. Night is particularly difficult because this is the time when I would talk to my ex. I got used to talking to him before I went to sleep every day, for one year. I feel that ever since my first break up I have been scared to spend time alone. Scared to see what will be revealed when I spend enough time by myself, self-reflecting. I guess this is my time to do it, and I don’t know a better way to get over a breakup than with time. I want to leave you with this quote, “Love makes the time pass. Time makes the love pass.” If you’re going through a break-up, you don’t need to go through it alone. Contact the Matchmakers for a Private Date Coaching Session in Beverly Hills at (310)299-7966, or e-mail them at firstname.lastname@example.org.
-A Matchmaker’s Best Friend-
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