Originally published at: YourTango.com Photo credit: Your Tango
The answer to your dating prayers is finally here
It is scary to approach women. The "Pick-up Artist" Industry makes millions of dollars off of this fear every year. However, you also might have found it frightening to apply for a job, get your degree, or travel to New Mexico.
We all must perform challenging tasks on a daily basis, but they get easier with practice!
Part of your job as a contemporary man entails approaching women.
As a Matchmaker who finds smart, beautiful, and kind Bachelorettes for our Bachelors, I understand how intimidating some women can seem. I get it; recruitment is a major part of my job. Once at a chic lounge, I approached a pretty blonde woman who was one of our Bachelor's perfect types, and her friend cursed at me and then turned her back.
It was such an aggressive reaction, and I felt insulted and wanted to leave immediately. I shook it off as a part of my job, but I can just imagine how disheartening this kind of reaction can be for a Bachelor who is genuinely trying to put himself out there in the dating world.
What can you do to get over this intimidation?
A good start is to avoid the places with unapproachable women, in LA's case: #WestHollywoodBars, and start meeting women elsewhere. There are so many activities happening around your area that you can easily check out online.
Start small: she just wants you to say hi and ask her a question. The beauty about doing a fun activity that you actually enjoy is that it is much easier to facilitate a conversation. At a hiking meet up?
Great! Ask her where her favorite trailhead is! At a bingo night with your buddies? Ask her if she has ever taken home the big prize.
Once you have broken the ice, have a few more follow-up questions in your back pocket: is she from around here? Where did she go to school? When was the last time she did something like this? Be prepared, and don't be afraid of the follow-up!
All it takes is twenty seconds of courage.
I've met too many guys who lose their chance with a lovely woman simply since they lacked “twenty seconds of courage” @WeBoughtAZoo. Once you have built that initial friendship, make sure that you are consistent in your pursuit of her.
Ask her to join you on a group adventure, or tell her that you have an extra ticket to a show and that you would love for her to join. Build the friendship, and don't be afraid to pursue. Whatever you do, don’t be the guy who asks his friend to test the waters to see if she likes you before going in for the plunge.
That happened to one of Bachelorettes Angela before, and she reacted badly. She uttered a disgusted “NO,” when, as she confided in me, Angela probably would have said yes if he had asked her out directly.
As we tell our Clients, you have a small window of time with a woman you like.
If you take too long to get your act together, she won't know that you are interested and will move on quickly. I hear it every day from our Bachelorettes: women have had enough.
My advice: if you like her, ask to spend time with her, even if it means organizing a group activity so that you can test the waters without directly asking her out on a one-on-one date.
You may feel uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach, but it's ok to give into these natural, hunter instincts. Our cerebral generation has lead men to forget how to be men. How to thrill. How to chase.
It should feel like you're "rushing" AEPi
As her ex-boyfriend said to our Bachelorette Stephanie, it should feel like you're "rushing" at a frat again. A Boss's wife through and through, Stephanie only dates men who go out of their way to pursue her, even by asking for her number after church.
One of her exes even fabricated an LA music festival to connect with her. Although his dishonesty was a red flag, his boldness was attractive. Women like men who know what they want and go for it, or a Boss, our company's term for the alpha partner of a relationship.
Matching Up's term for the beta yet strong partner of a relationship.
Pray for bravery.
Of course, I want you to speak to her with honesty and to be yourself, but I also want you to be brave. You have shown bravery in every other aspect of your life, now give yourself a chance with women.
To the men who have faithfully approached women who they feel attracted to week after week: keep it up, she may be one approach away.
To the others: now is your time to shine! Women have so much to worry about, relieve their minds so that they can rest easily without having to worry about giving you fifty green lights. I give you even more points if you approach a woman whom you have received zero signals from; she may be shy, or a Boss's wife. Chock up approaching as another chivalric duty.
It's what scripture says. If you start to come up with different scriptural interpretations or practical excuses to exempt yourself from approaching women, this part is for you:
The truth: God hears your prayers for a beautiful wife, but you need to do your part. You may pray about your loneliness and unhappiness, but you can actually do something about it! If you need some inspiration, read Song of Solomon 2:8-13. Spoiler alert: he finds her and speaks to her first.
To approach or not to approach.
But since I know how persistently you will try to talk yourself out of it, here is a list of your possible excuses and my rebuttals:
Q: Another man approached her first?
A: Good. Intervene. One of the most flattering moments in a Bachelorette's college career occurred when she was dancing with one guy, and another asked, “May I cut in?” Nothing's sexier than a man who has his eye on the prize.
Q: You failed to get her number?
A: The beauty of our generation: message her on social media! You can get in touch with people, even if you have yet to meet each other by doing a simple Google search. Do you think that children have the coordinates of the Easter eggs that they want to find?
Women want a strong, confident man who has the courage to approach the most beautiful woman in the room in his eyes and make her his girlfriend.
Will you be her Knight in Shining Armor, or will some other Prince Charming sweep her off of her feet? You decide.