Originally published at: YourTango.com Photo credit: Your Tango Want to be with your soul mate? Discover the fastest way to make that happen!
By Cristina Conti Pineda
As a professional Matchmaker in Los Angeles, I work with celebrities, executives, and athletes who are used to getting what they want. However, to achieve this career status, they have needed all the self-discipline that they could muster. Sure, some have had fame from an early age, but to sustain this level of success, they have needed to work, hard. Well, this may sound surprising, but dating requires the same discipline if you want to find ‘the One.’ Everyone craves that special person who they can laugh and love with, the person who has the unique attributes that harmonize with them. Below you will find tips on how to be all-stars in the dating market, and find your person as quickly as possible:
1. Keep your clothes on. Often to attract a man, women subscribe to the maxim, “If you got it, flaunt it.” The truth is: men only take women seriously who respect their bodies enough to act and dress like it. Of course, you can be sexywithout wearing revealing clothes, and at Matchmakers In The City, we advise our Bachelorettes to wear a form-fitting dress on the first date. As an illustration of this point, one Bachelorette got too comfortable on a first date on the beach and started stripping. The Bachelor enjoyed it, but refrained from calling her again. Another Bachelorette had a magical time on her first date at a romantic restaurant in Beverly Hills with her match. Overtaken by his charm, she disobeyed our guideline of no sex until monogamy at the minimum and agreed to stay the night with him. Although she would have loved to see him again, he disappeared.
2. Stay away from the low-hanging fruit, and avoid becoming it. MEN this is for you too! Good looking men, men in the public eye, and athletes especially need to beware. Even if a woman dresses provocatively, comes on to you, or slides into the DMs, remember that you have a choice. Guess what? She probably does the same thing for any guy whom she finds remotely appealing or has any level of money or fame. You might reply to me (in your mind), “Who cares? Free sex!,” but remember that everything has a price. The time that you spend with this kind of woman further deters you from the right woman and can give you some nasty STDs.
3. Take it slowly. Women tend to feel that they need to put out to keep a man’s attention. They have the anxiety that unless they let him kiss them, sleep with them, or [fill in the blank here], he will lose interest. The interesting point that I have learned as a Matchmaker who speaks to Bachelors everyday reveals that men feel pressure too. With the right woman, it takes a while to build up the comfort level to kiss her. Remember, you have zero rush! Of course the hormones rage inside of you, but the best way to get to know someone remains through spending time together instead of rushing into a physical relationship. Sex adds extremely complex emotions to the relationship that complicate it prematurely.
4. Take care of numero uno. Too often, when people enter relationships, they see the other person as the light of their lives. Just like in yoga, sports, or dance, in dating, you need to have the discipline to strengthen your core before performing at your best. In effect, this prevents you from letting a relationship define, and pretty soon, destroy you and any values that you once held. Use this precious time of singleness to develop your relationship with God. Then you will have the insight to determine the characteristics that make a good husband or wife.
5. Give it the good old college try. To further hone in on the qualities that you should look for in your future husband or wife, read books and articles from trusted sources on relationships. Filled with sacrifice and selflessness, relationships require pre-disposing yourself to make those kinds of choices. Relationship Experts have all attested to the fact that the myth ‘you better sow your oats while you’re young’ can end up taking you further off course from the right relationship that you desire. It also prevents you from developing the qualities necessary in a good boyfriend and future husband. At Matchmakers In The City, we have a recommended reading list that includes helpful materials like Mars And Venus On A Date by Dr. John Gray, as well as our own articles of course! While fun and thrilling, relationships take as much training and prep-work as a pro-baseball game or college final. Begin carving out time in your schedule for a relationship while still single by reading 5 pages of relationship material every day.
Through working with people in the most dynamic cities in the world, I match our Bachelors and Bachelorettes who all love what they do. The common saying, “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life” can mislead those who take it at face value. Of course, you want to work at a career that you enjoy, but it will take work to get there and to continue succeeding. The same holds true for relationships. Like any masterpiece, they take time to paint and shade with color and meaning. However, take heart: you can use the same skills that you’ve perfected in your career to bring you closer to ‘the One.’