By: Anthony Canapi, Associate Matchmaker and Director of Membership for Matchmakers In The City
Just when you think that everything is going well… you never hear from the person ever again.
What happened? I thought that you liked me? Were you using me? Did I take this too seriously?
What should you do at that moment? How should you react? What is the appropriate way to move on once you get ghosted?
Occasionally life makes you run into a certain someone.
You find this certain someone different and physically attractive. Then you meet again and find them psychologically alluring. You want to know more about them.
You find yourself becoming vulnerable to this individual.
You start to become emotionally attracted to them for all the right reasons. They fulfill almost every one of your dream partner requirements.
Time goes by, and you find yourself really starting to fall for this person. You want to see where it goes with them and hope that they feel the same way.
And then… they go MIA.
One hour of being unresponsive turns into one night, one night turns into one day, then one day turns into one week…
Then reality hits…
Did I just get ghosted?!?!
If they have not responded to you in a week… yes, you did get ghosted.
How would I know? I have been ghosted myself.
However, I have followed my bosses’ guidelines and I think I took being ghosted pretty well…
Okay, so maybe I have gone through a few ice cream bars along with the five stages of grief. BUT, as time went on, I got over it.
Now I can make your day better through giving you the right steps to do if you get ghosted.
According to Psychology Today, the term “Ghosting…is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation.”
We become attached to certain people easily; you want their attention, and you hope that this other individual feels the same way.
However, some individuals are unable to reciprocate those feelings, and sadly, they will turn you down, even in the harsh method of ghosting.
Some people can shake it off, and move on their way, but others take it to heart.
Ghosting hurts. You want that closure so that you can move on with your life. Also, you want to know what happened; you want to know what to do.
As an Associate Matchmaker for Matchmakers In The City, these are questions that come up.
My wonderful bosses/mentors, Celebrity Matchmakers, Dating Experts, and sisters, Alessandra Conti and Cristina Conti Pineda, made a video on their YouTube Channel, Matchmakers In The City Show, revealing the three things that you should do once you get ghosted.
Honestly, if I had known these three things sooner, I would not have made the mistakes that I did when I got ghosted. At the same time, I was at a much different place in my life at that time. If you would like to watch said video, click here!
Here are the three things that you need to do once you get ghosted.
1. Get Closure.
I know what you may be thinking:
“That’s what I’ve been trying to do!”
However, you may be surprised; take a second to breathe, and look at everything as a whole.
You may have done one of the following: A) failed to respond to the person’s last text or B) had the case of “overly sensitive syndrome.”
It is always good to backtrack, look at past texts and even the last time you and the other person hung out to see where everything has led up to this point.
Reflect and figure out if you were ghosted, or you were just being overly sensitive. Like I said before, we want that love and affection so much, that it may come off as “too much.”
This is called “fluke or flaw;” is this just a one-time thing, or is this what I think it is (ghosting)?
I know in my case, I had overly sensitive syndrome… it makes so much sense now.
The best-case scenario in approaching this situation is to get closure.
I know how tempting it is, but please refrain from spamming their phone to get a response.
Instead, you should come across as open and honest, but most importantly, calm, so that you can get your word across, and they can reciprocate your response.
“Hey! How are you?”, “How’ve you been?”, “How’s your morning so far?”
If they fail to reply to you, leave you on read, or in the worst case, fail to open your message, THEN, you have been officially ghosted.
So, if you have been ghosted, what do you do from here?
2. Mourn their death!
Of course, this is hypothetically speaking, but seriously!
When you have been ghosted, understand that it has nothing to do with how amazing and fabulous you are as a human being! This is simply an arbitrary case in which it is the difference of where you are and where they are in their lives.
It could be that they are not ready for a relationship, they are unable to reciprocate the feelings, or they may not be ready for what you bring to the table.
When it comes to the next step, it is so important to know that you deserve to live your best life and move on from this individual.
It might be hard, but your strength and passion will see you though it!
There are so many things that you can do to mourn their death, but first, “mope, then cope.”
Give yourself the time to really feel the loss, and take baby steps to move forward.
In this period of “mourning,” with the power of social media, either “mute” or “unfollow” them. By keeping them on your social media, it will increase your chances of seeing their next post, story, or update.
Take the social media step as a “burial,” the last nail in the coffin.
Next, go through the “5 Stages of Grief.” When applied to ghosting, they include the following scenarios:
Denial: Denying that you got ghosted. – “No… there’s no way.” “They must be busy or something.” “Maybe I should text them.” “Maybe something happened, and they can’t be on their phone.”
Anger: The feelings of being ghosted get the best of you. – “HOW DARE THEY GHOST ME?!” “I DID NOTHING WRONG!” “HOW COULD THEY?!” “I AM A GOOD PERSON; I DON’T DESERVE THIS!!”
Bargaining: Convincing yourself of “What if’s” and “If only” moments when feeling vulnerable or helpless during the process of ghosting – “If only I didn’t text so much,” “What if I acted this way during our date?”, “What if I did this?”, or “If only I did that.” Try to refrain from second guessing yourself!
Depression: Sadness overcomes you. – “I can’t believe they ghosted me…”
According to Healthline, experiencing the five states of grief is a common occurrence when it comes to a death of a loved one, loss of a job, end of a relationship, and now, if you get ghosted.
First off, not everyone experiences all five stages, but in the case of ghosting, you may go through all of them. This will make it easier for you to move on to a better relationship.
Second, grief is different for everyone, so levels of each stage may differ for each person.
This all leads to the last step of grief, which you should do when you get ghosted…
3. Build a bridge and get over it! // or Step 5: Acceptance
It may seem like this individual was ‘the One,’ but this is a blessing in disguise!
You may ask yourself, “How is this a blessing? Why should I be happy that I got ghosted?!”
Understand that it is a clear sign that this individual was not ‘your other half.’
Release your fears and worries, and remember that you are a remarkable individual who is the star of your own show.
When it comes to your show and the person who ghosted you, this person was little more than an “extra” on your set.
You still have time to find your “co-star.”
If you constantly think of the person who ghosted you, it will only wear you down.
Once you have been ghosted, go through the steps of the five stages of grief. Keep in mind that this is your life, and you are the star of it! It may be hard, but you will rise above this circumstance. You deserve to find your other half, and until they come into your life, you should live your best life!
Anthony Canapi, Associate Matchmaker and Director of Membership for Matchmakers In The City
Anthony is an Associate Matchmaker and Director of Membership for Matchmakers In The City. Born and raised where the poppies bloom, Anthony brings his experience in Television, Film, Media, and Entertainment Marketing to the team. As Director of Membership, Anthony directs, oversees, and distributes information and activities to current members as well as prospective bachelors and bachelorettes. Being the lone man of the MITC team, Anthony brings a male, holistic approach when it comes to matchmaking and coaching our clients; bringing insight about male culture, guiding our bachelors to being their true gentleman, and guiding our bachelorettes to understanding the male's emotional wall. Anthony brings empathy, love, and happiness to the men and women he works with.