Originally published at: YourTango.com
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How to hone these traits.
When it comes to love and dating, the secret to healthy relationships goes beyond sheer compatibility. In fact, if you want your relationship to continue from the first date and have a shot at lasting love, there are four personality traits both the bachelor and bachelorette need to possess.
Of course, you first want your potential partner to be physically compatible and age-appropriate. They must be single and genuinely looking for love, too. You might've even checked their social media — but that's only the tip of the iceberg.
Beyond that, there are some key character traits to look out for that indicate someone could be a good match and capable of having a loving, healthy relationship.
Here are 4 personality traits that help men and women find healthy relationships.
Unless your potential lover has it together enough to follow through on her promises, she will cause you a lot of pain, even in the beginning stages of a relationship. The same standard goes for you: if you tell her that you will call on a certain day, do it.
If you make plans, stick to them, regardless of what comes up in your life. Expect friends’ birthdays and work pressures to arise after you have set a date, tempting you to break your pledge.
Repeat this to yourself every day: "My word is my bond." You may get distracted, but in order for a woman to take you seriously, you must be a man of your word. If you have forgetful tendencies, write yourself a note on your phone calendar for the day and time that you need to call, make reservations, or plan the afternoon picnic at the museum.
Also, three words you need to remember during the courting process: be on time. Tardiness is a huge turnoff.
I recently worked with a bachelor who needed to bring this up to his match on the third date, since she had been a half hour late for all three. This made for an uncomfortable conversation and almost killed the relationship in its infancy. Luckily, she changed and now they’re engaged! But most men have less patience than that.
What kind of communicator are you? Typically, women like to talk more than men, so bachelors need to amp this up when pursuing a bachelorette.
Remember, you want her to feel secure and protected so make sure that you stay in touch. Make the time that you connect count. Instead of texting every minute of the day, a phone call at night, even for fifteen minutes, can serve you much better.
However, let the relationship progress naturally. Avoid calling every night if you have just met her, but a cute text alluding to an inside joke that you both have is perfect.
3. Passionate for life
It is a popular consensus in the business world that there are two kinds of people: the authors and the weather reporters. The authors create their own lives and take chances, bravely trying new experiences. The weather reporters, on the other hand, simply comment on what happens to them. One is active and the other is passive.
The author possesses an excitement for life that drives them to pursue their purpose. Passionate and positive, they attract others and bounce back from life’s struggles. They celebrate life.
Conversely, the weather reporter complains about their lot in life, plays the victim, and blames others for their problems. They eschew any responsibility for the consequences of their actions and focuses on negativity (i.e. how their co-worker wants to sabotage them).
A happy relationship requires two people of the same philosophy: two authors who can create their life together.
In relationships, we can take this philosophy a step further. Do your words tear people down or build them up? Evidently, weather reporters hurt themselves, but even worse, they damage others. They derive a sick sense of pleasure from using a microscope to criticize others.
Afraid to hope for their own lives, they hate to see others succeed. It reminds them of their own faults and inadequacies. Consequently, their cycle of demeaning others starts again. If you want to live a happy and successful life, choose to be an author and only date fellow authors.
A couple also needs to be yoked similarly in terms of their relationship with God. If a man works constantly with barely enough time to sleep, he would be the worst match for a woman who prioritizes prayer, meditation, and spending time in a religious community. Consequently, if someone is a staunch atheist, he would be a terrible match for a devoted Christian.
In both of these cases, the pairs have opposing values. People are at different phases of their spiritual journeys, but if someone closes himself off to God, let him be. People can change the most when you start relationships as friends. Stick to your morals and avoid the heartbreak of missionary dating.
These four pillars form a strong foundation for a happy, successful, and healthy relationship.
People can sustain a relationship with less than four of these traits, but the goal for our couples is to have healthy relationships — instead of simply being in one.
Start by developing these personality traits for yourself and cultivating friendships with similar people. If you value your friendships instead of taking them for granted, you will set the perfect course for your future romance.