How To Be In A Relationship If You're A Type-A Person Who NEEDS Control

November 10, 2017

Originally published at YourTango.com

Photo credit: Your Tango

 

 

Partnership is a little trickier for Type-A personalities.

Guest post by Christina Conti

 

Whether you’re a business owner, high-level executive, or accomplished professional in any field, it takes a certain amount of neurosis in order to achieve that level of success. Yet how does a type A perfectionist handle the turmoil of a relationship when he or she already has hyper-sensitive tendencies?

As a professional Matchmaker, I work with many powerful, successful, and even celebrity men and women. Here you will find some of the secrets that I share with my clients to learn how to be in a relationship when you have a type-A personality.

 

1. Work at a job that you love.

 

People with this kind of brain capacity need a lot to keep it busy. A career that you feel passionate about will engage you so that you have little time to obsess over the small details of dating.

 

2. Allow yourself to get jealous... to a point.

 

According to Fulton Sheen, jealousy can protect a relationship rather than being an awful problem. But remember everything in moderation. If you start blaming your girlfriend for making you jealous with her dog, start a new project.

 

3. Take long walks.

 

A long walk outside will put elements of your relationship that you may feel uncertain about into perspective. If you are expecting a phone call from your significant other, but are unsure of the time, take a walk, without your phone.

Your exercise will get your blood pressure down, release endorphins, and enable oxygen to flow through your body. You will feel better, look hot, and forget to worry about if and when he will call. For those extreme thinkers, take a tip from our favorite Mean Girl Regina George and pick up a new sport that engages your mind and body.

 

4. Text with trust.

 

Resist the urge to read the texts that you see pop up on her phone. Proceed with caution into any relationship, but know that trust builds with time.

Trust requires that you let go, and let your special someone prove her loyalty. Also, trust yourself: people love a thoughtful text, so try to let it go once you send it.

More realistically, for the nervous bosses out there, after you overanalyze the last text that you sent, read a book or watch that documentary that you saved on Netflix. Try to spend time away from your phone; constantly checking it only fuels anxious thoughts.

 

5. Make a plan.

 

The minute that you start worrying about a situation that’s out of your control or imagining other guys hitting on her at her friend’s birthday party, think of the details for a future trip that you’d like to plan: a weekend trip to Sonoma with a group of friends, a day trip to see the exhibit that you wanted to check out, or a romantic dinner that you will cook for her.

 

6. Be gentle with yourself. 

 

Perfect is the enemy of good. Even in diamonds, imperfections create character. Do your best and the rest is out of your hands. You can only control your actions, other people’s reactions lie outside of your domain.

You may give someone the loveliest compliment, but she could react poorly if she had a bad day. That said, make sure that your actions come from pure intentions and a place of love.

 

7. Write.

 

Process your thoughts and feelings on the page. Whether you prefer writing fiction, poetry, articles, prayer journaling, or just free writing, it helps to sort out your feelings, both rational and poetic.

 

8. Eat something.

 

Frequently, bosses get so involved in the task at hand that they forget to eat and skip meals. This can throw your mood off track even further. Regular meals contribute to your composure and allow you to have the most even-keeled reactions. Cheat on your cleanse and have a hamburger — your girlfriend will thank you.

 

9. Zen out.

 

High achievers get so excited about life that they tend to want to live rather than rest for the amount of time that their body needs. Often, problems will be solved without your intervention while you sleep.

Set limits at work to stop at a certain time (e.g., 6 PM) and then refuse to check your email until you begin to work again (e.g., 10 AM). This will give you more equanimity as you handle potential stressors in your relationship too.

You can also learn a meditation technique where you stop during the day for a half an hour. Meditating is also a wonderful tool to talk yourself down that I’ve encouraged many of our clients to cultivate.

Countless studies have proven the effectiveness of meditation for reducing stress and creating positive health benefits. After you meditate, your girlfriend will notice your refreshed and sunny disposition too.

 

10. Cuddle.

 

When all else fails, hug your dog. He still loves you.

Keep on shining and achieving for the good of others. A successful career and successful relationship do not have to be mutually exclusive. You are some of the select few born leaders who can handle the most intense and fulfilling careers in addition to true love if you approach it in the right way.

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