Originally published at EliteDaily.com
Photo credit: Elite Daily
A few years ago, I went on a first date with a guy whom I met at a friend's birthday party. He was cute, we were having fun and it was a fairly standard first date. After a glass of rosé, we got up from our table to get a closer look at the live Mumford & Sons knockoff band that was playing.
As we stood watching the band, he put his hand on my lower back, and after a few minutes, he respectfully, yet forcefully leaned in and kissed me mid-date. I was a little taken aback, but pleasantly surprised. It was one of the best first kisses that I have ever experienced.
When a bachelor whom I was coaching (I'm a professional matchmaker) asked me about how and when to kiss a woman for the first time, I suggested he do it the same way my date did. Don't wait until the end of the date for lip contact; go for it mid-date. The next week, I got a full progress report from my client: success.
Had every rom-com that I had ever watched lied? Was perfecting my key-fiddle move at the end of the night even necessary? Was the 90-percent male lean, 10-percent female lean a farce? Have millions of singles endured the cringe-worthy, emotionally crippling, end-of-the-date first kiss for nothing?
I couldn't help but wonder if I had stumbled upon the secret for the perfect first date kiss: Kiss DURING the date, NOT at the end of the date.
My epiphany guided me as I coached a few other bachelors who were having issues building attraction with their dates. Each bachelor who employed my first kiss rule ended up victorious.
One thing that men need to understand is, the actual physical appearance of a man matters only to a certain extent. I am a firm believer that personality and confidence overrides any self-perceived physical “shortcoming,” and it can also break any perceived positive physical attribute.
One of the hottest qualities any man can have is power. Power does not necessarily mean you need to be the CEO of your company or a juiced-out, protein-shake-loving alpha male.
It means you need to develop an aura of leadership. Even the most independent girl bosses come into my office and tell me they are looking for a man who takes charge in their relationship. Security is sexy.
The confidence to lead during the courtship process is an aphrodisiac to most women. Just take a look at the extreme example in “50 Shades of Grey.” Millions of women fantasize about a man who is controlling, dominant and commanding. Of course, I'm not advising you to invest in a Red Room of Pain, but we can take a bit of advice from the less aggressive end of the Christian Grey spectrum.
A majority of women love a man who will take control, and women understand it takes a high level of confidence to go for the kiss with a woman mid-date.
When to kiss also depends on how you have met the woman. Did you meet her out in person? Is this your first time meeting? Have you known each other through mutual friends, and you've finally asked her out? Were you set up by friends or a matchmaker? Did you meet on an app?
The rule of thumb here is to err on the side of caution if your first date is the first time you are physically meeting this woman. Kissing doesn't need to happen on a first meeting. You are literally meeting this person for the first time, and you don't want her to think you are purely in it for the physical aspects.
If you met on an app, use the mid-date first kiss on your second date, at the earliest. However, if you have met before your actual first date, a mid-date first kiss is the way to go.
Here's the reality: It doesn't matter how well a date went. The end-of -the-date first kiss can be incredibly uncomfortable. I have coached hundreds of women who have said the end-of-the-date first kiss is just awkward.
There is always that underlying tension, which can be fun if channeled properly. But inevitably, it ends up causing anxiety and feelings of awkwardness.
At the end of a first date, if you have yet to kiss this woman, she probably has feelings of anticipation. Most likely, she's also had her share of awkward first date kisses, and she'll lump your end-of-the-date first kiss with her previous experiences.
Save her this unease, and make it happen mid-date.
However, it is very important to understand that if you do decide to go in for a kiss mid-date, it can't come out of nowhere. You don't want to go from Christian Grey to creeper.
Lead during your date. Remember that during the courtship process, the majority of women love a man who takes charge. Make sure you have all of the gentleman moves down. Open the car door for her, open all doors for her upon entry and make sure her glass is filled. If it's not, flag down the waiter to give her another glass of pinot. Ask her questions, and listen attentively and actively.
Break the physical touch barrier by guiding her to her seat by placing your hand on her mid-back. When you are telling a story, use the three-second move to touch her arm and emphasize a point. Avoid groping her at all costs, but it is important to break that physical barrier during the date. That way, the first kiss won't seem like it came out of left field.
Flirt, laugh, relax and enjoy yourself. Frequently, a first date can seem like a job interview, so it's vital that you utilize some of these techniques to make it more fun and romantic.
Eight out of 10 women believe that the first kiss will tell them everything that they need to know about a relationship.
Make that first kiss the first of many by doing it mid-date.