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The State of Monogamy

Updated: Apr 18, 2023

By Cristina Conti

The other day I ran into a friend who felt flustered and flabbergasted with monogamy. He had just spent an hour flirting with a woman whom he had approached along Santa Monica’s Ocean Drive park, only to find that she was married for two years. As a romantic soul longing for a relationship, he expressed his hopelessness to me in a culture that feigns monogamy. His consternation only reveals more deeply the importance of discernment while choosing a partner.

Sure, celebrity cheating makes headlines on all tabloids and newspapers. As @LaurenConrad reminds us in LA Candy: Sugar and Spice (2011), all it takes is one long stare and @Lifehouse’s “You and Me” in the background to fabricate a relationship on reality TV.

Yet these glances and news stories run deeper than we think, turning contemptible behavior into cultural norm. Cheating seeps its way into normal people’s everyday lives from an intense gaze to a charged conversation in the office kitchen with the door closed. It makes average single men and women wonder, “Is monogamy too much to ask for?”

From my humble opinion as a Beverly Hills Matchmaker, the answer is no, with a caveat. A monogamous relationship, even the perfect lid for your tea kettle, will fail to completely fulfill you. It is the icing on your cake rather than your bread and butter. As sweet as it may be, there will exist temptation to try a different flavor, even in the happiest of marriages. Yet the beauty of monogamy lies in this tension. Both partners give up the possibilities of other relationships for each other. They make this exchange in order to know each others’ desires and foibles, share joys and sorrows, and please one another with unconditional love.

This is serious business. Before you take the plunge, make sure that you can sacrifice flirting (even in texts and Facebook messages), stares, long conversations, close relationships, and intimacy with others for the potential of an everlasting love affair with the One. Remember, marriage is hard work, and nothing excuses cheating, even if she stops wearing makeup or making the bed. Our best advice is to always make her feel like the only woman in the world, thank you @Rihanna.

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