By: Alessandra Conti, Matchmaker
One disturbing trend permeating within the LA dating scene is what we have deemed The Freeze. The Freeze is where a man and a woman go out on several dates, text daily, and then one day… seemingly out of nowhere… that potential boyfriend abruptly stops texting/calling/Snapchatting/Instagram-liking. All contact freezes. The woman is left perplexed, and seeks our guidance to discuss what to do, what went wrong, and how to ensure that they never have to go through the cruel and unusual punishment that The Freeze inflicts upon them again. Here is a step-by-step guide to help you deal with The Freeze.
Get closure. It is important to give this dud one last shot to explain himself. Maybe he was sent on a special trip with his job for the past week that banned use of any kind of phone use, or his favorite grandmother passed away, or his brother’s friend’s Uncle’s cousin needed a kidney transplant. In times of a freeze, it is best to give this guy the benefit of the doubt without jumping to conclusions. When we surveyed our eligible Bachelors on how they would like a woman to react during a freeze, the majority of men suggested texting him a quick non-judgemental, “Hey! Is everything ok?”
Allow him to repent. Allow him 2 days to get himself together and realize that his behavior was distasteful and relationship ending. If he wants to continue developing a relationship with you, make it clear that you have standards of treatment. This, however, does not mean instructing the guy to text you five times a day with two phone calls a week and three Skype calls a month. If he has dated in the past century, he knows basic etiquette for courting communication, and if he doesn’t, run because he is either seriously socially challenged or not ready for a mature relationship. If he truly was bonked down with some major family, work, friend issue, you can give him a pass with the right kind of repentance. This is where The Big Gesture comes into play. The Big Gesture depends on you; what does he need to do for you to feel comfortable continuing to date him? Must he come to your apartment window with a boom box on his shoulder begging for you to go back to him? Must he send you flowers for his chilly indiscretion? Does a simple, “I’m sorry” text do the job? You be the judge of it darling. He can only have you if you want him back… but remember: if you accept crumbs, you end up in a crumby relationship. And why have crumbs when you can have a whole, luscious cupcake? (Preferably @Sprinkles)
Be honest with yourself. Although The Freeze seemingly came out of nowhere, women tend to put their blinders on when they meet a new man whom they think has an iota of potential. Many women, especially before or during the holiday season, yearn for a Christmas Tree Boyfriend, and are willing to subconsciously overlook a variety of red flags that wave around like a parade. He may have brought you out on several dates, but did you really feel like he was your soul mate? You must come to terms with the reality of the majority of Freezes: this man literally dealt with an issue by dropping off the face of the universe and halting contact with you. Is this really the kind of man whom you want to be the father of your children? Do you want to be married to a man who, when things get tough, bolts to an undisclosed location without a trace or so much as a Snapchat? I’m going to go out on a whim and say no way. Communication is the foundation of any relationship, especially a romantic relationship. If you didn’t feel comfortable reaching out to this man during The Freeze, or if you did with no response, your discomfort in the matter speaks volumes… let it be your guide. Although I encourage the woman to allow to man to be the initiator in conversation via text, after a certain amount of time spent with the man, the woman should also feel free to initiate when she is moved to do so without the fear of seeming desperate or needy. Healthy communication that is reciprocated is vital to the longevity of a relationship. There is a fine line between being hard to get and being a douchebag.
Mourn his death. Although this may seem a bit extreme, I am a firm believer that women simply must come from the mindset that he is just that into you. Although this may sound a bit delusional, the latter way of thinking (highly publicized from the blockbuster book and movie), puts a negative spin on things. You are fabulous honey… of course he’s into you. It is important to understand that The Freeze is not a testament to how gorgeous, witty, and lovely you are. Instead, this guy is simply not right for the fierce woman who you are. In other words, he just died. I encourage a full-blown funeral for this man, full with a cremation ceremony of the valet stub that he paid for and the vintage bracelet that he gave you on your fourth date (your electric fireplace will do) to allow his spirit to Rest In Peace. Of course, we do not actually want to wish this guy any harm, but it is vital to also freeze him out of your life. Delete his number, un-follow him on Instagram, de-friend him on Facebook, un-follow him on Twitter, and stop including him in your group SnapChats. May he and his entire social media persona Rest In Peace.
Build a bridge, and get over it. You deserve better. Every woman deserves a man who is excited to contact her… no matter how busy work or life gets. You deserve a man who will treasure his interactions with you and will look forward to your texts as much as you look forward to his. You deserve a man who incorporates you into his daily life with no prompting or plotting on your part. Own the fact that you are a fabulous Vixen who has the ability to bring any man to his knees (pun intended). Mope then cope. Read my article, Be the Star of Your Own Life, go out with your girlfriends, and get into my office so that I can set you up with a man who would rather cuddle by the fireplace then freeze out in the cold.
Your favorite Beverly Hills Matchmaker,
E-mail Me: Conti@MatchingUpLA.com
Tweet Us: @MatchingUpLA
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